Larkwood.net

It’s been said that there are no atheist in foxholes. This seems to me to be one of those things people say and repeat without giving it much thought, like, well, like prostitution is the oldest profession. Has it occurred to anyone that someone had to produce some commodity to trade for sex in the first place; would not that trader/hunter/gatherer have been the oldest profession? Would not, then, prostitution be the second oldest?  But here I go; talking about prostitution when what I really want to talk about is atheist in foxholes.

I believe that there is much more integrity in foxholes than the statement about atheist. If a person has chosen not to believe, in a world that will believe just about anything, then a conscious commitment has been made to follow a path that required some introspection and intellectual integrity. If that same person finds himself in a foxhole; the suggestion here is that of a soldier dug in against the dangers of battle, choices and decisions have already been made as to the great questions of life. When the bombs and bullets are in the air, and fertilizer starts to hits the fan, I don’t believe this is the kind of person who would turn on their conviction coattails and run to the nearest god begging for his life, or afterlife.

For those of us who are agnostics, meaning, we simply do not know, the integrity of where we stand is pretty much the same. We have examined many of the belief systems, the evidence supporting them and the fruit they produce. We have simply chosen to say, I just don’t know.  We have ruled out many of the pedestrian, image-of- man gods. My suspicion is that most atheist are really agnostics whose only beef; whose atheism is only against the image-of-man gods. Agnosticism may seem like a wishy-washy, neither here- nor- there stand as a belief, but you can’t imagine, unless you’ve done it, how much soul searching is involved.

Referencing the above, I will here, make a statement I believe to be a certainty. It is this. No matter your belief system, or lack of one; if you have ever loved, truly, deeply loved, you’ve prayed. How could you not? How could you have a child, or a spouse, or a friend or a family member who has your heart and not pray for them. How could you send your child out every day without an accompanying, “please take care of her; bring her home safely.”? How could you send a spouse into the arena and brutality of rush hour traffic without a whispered bequest that her safety be the first concern of the universe? The same would go for friends or family members whose care and safety is too dear to trust to forces of nothingness. Love may very well be the origin of prayer.

I am not talking here about some “deal with God” plea, but a simple mummer or silent request from the heart that expresses all that is there. The truth is that we need help. We need gods and angels and sprits and benevolent forces to watch over those we love when we can’t be there to take care of them. For Agonistics or Atheist I don’t see a contradiction. I don’t see hypocrisy. I don’t see a non-believer hedging his bets. I see someone who has come up against the solid reality of loving deeply. No one, not even atheist, is ever prepared for this. It doesn’t come down to belief or non-belief, religion or dogma! The faith and hope here, is that this small prayer flag of love, will land in the right hands, on the right ears. Often, don’t be surprised, if that god or angel or sprit or benevolent force turns out to be a fellow human or other sentient being who has at one time or other submitted the same request.  I am very aware of how saccharine this all sounds; how, “Touched by an Angel”! But for those of us who love, it’s something we need to do, quietly and to ourselves. May there be as many of these whispered prayers as there are stars and may they spread to cover children and friends who aren’t as loved.

Should there be a day when that beloved does not return; even in your sadness and despair, don’t stop whispering, “Please take care of her”. We know nothing about life forces, dimensions, realms and spirit worlds.

And, when that child, lover or friend does walk through the door, don’t forget the other part of prayer, don’t forget to whisper, “Thank you”.

There are characteristics of classic cartoon characters I admire and some I would like to emulate. I would like to be as cool and unflappable as Bugs Bunny, as clever, resourceful and quick as Jerry Mouse, and as sincere as Rocky Squirrel. Kids, we’re talking baby-boomer cartoons here. I would be as salty and earthy as either of the great ducks; Donald or Daffy, and as exuberant as Fred Flintstone. I would want to be the true and constant friend that is Barney Rubble.

But, sadly, I have most in common with Mr. Wile E. Coyote.  

With single mindedness; enduring a great deal of physical pain, heartbreak, anguish, chagrin, time and financial expense, Mr. Coyote pursues his obsession. What’s more, this pain, this heartbreak and anguish is all self inflicted.  He spends every waking hour devising plans and schemes.  He has maxed out his cards and is a fool for the latest gadget, weapon, tool or vehicle the Acme Company produces. Undaunted by any failure he clearly sees no reason why the next plan or tool will not produce success. We see it but he doesn’t; it is the Einstein definition of insanity.

And for what? A Road Runner? A single, thin, emaciated bird?  The return on Mr. Coyote’s effort is barley one good meal.

But, I suspect, there is more here than physical hunger, or a desire for a desert delicacy! Maybe it’s the love of the chase; of the fight! Maybe there is an age old vendetta! At some point, eons ago, maybe Mr. Runner’s family insulted Mr. Coyote’s family! The nature v nurture debate begins here. The naturist would say this is just the natural way of things and that this is what Coyotes do; chase birds and other small animals. But, that argument fails at the very point that Mr. Coyote’s consciousness brings him to the intellectual level of scheming, and the use of tools and weaponry.

What we find funny in watching Mr. Coyote is the inevitable Karmic payOFF. Karma here, as, natural cause and effect; what has happened to me is a direct and traceable result of my actions, not Karma as a cosmic force of justifiable payBACK. When Wile, (low tech), pushes the bolder to the edge of the cliff, or hangs the anvil with the frayed rope, or (high tech), removes the rocket launcher or jet pack from the Acme box, we know, this is not going to end well for him. We know it is his head that is going to be misshapen by the anvil, his body squashed by the bolder or singed by the rocket launcher. We know the moment he straps on his jetpack or missile that his body as well as his psyche is going to be blasted into a cliff overhang or plunged back, like Icarus, to earth. Yet every effort, begins again, and again, and again with such optimism, certainty and resolve. 

What we will never get from Wile is an examined life. His character, his bread and butter, his very job as a cartoon character is defined by outside forces whose livelihood depend on his acting on repetitive obsessions.  His creator has every reason to continue to draw upon his obsessions.  He will never have the chance to ask, is there a better way, why am I doing this, will I ever find peace. His is a closed system. As long as one lives in a closed system he/she is destined to a life of repetitive angst, pain and suffering. The only happiness is at the beginning of every renewed effort to succeed. But this happiness is short lived and we find ourselves battered or singed again.

I know what it is like to have my head, body and soul misshapen, battered, and singed by schemes and obsessions gone awry, and I have lived within that closed and bordered cartoon framework. It is fortunate when we can see a way out. When we see the tear in the frame of the cartoon, we are obligated to step out of it. But not only to find the way out for ourselves; the greater goal, the greater good is, when we are safely outside the frame, we live examined lives, lives that grow in maturity, lives of courage, intelligence, and kindness: lives that inspire others to step out of the cartoon.

Frames courtesy of cartoonspot.net

Suppose you wanted to help make a change in the world; help to alleviate suffering, ignorance, fear, greed, and violence. Suppose you were less ambitious and just wanted nothing more than to be relevant in today’s world. What would you do? Where would you ever begin?

Suppose you wanted to make a change in your personal life: alleviate suffering, and by suffering, I don’t necessarily mean agony, I mean, dissatisfaction, disconnect, disorientation, dis-ease; that constant low-grade disquietude. Overcome the quiet desperation. How would you go about making the change? Where would you start?

Would you begin by sitting on your butt?

Sounds like a lazy man’s initiative!

But that is just exactly what the Buddha did. He actually found a tree, planted himself, and observed. He observed his breath, his thoughts, and whatever came into his view. He paid attention. He paid attention to his breathing, its ebb and flow. He paid attention to his thought patterns, their origins, their nurture and growth, his attachment to them, the affect they would have on his breathing, the affect, of the elation or tightness it brought to his body; where, he asked, if he followed them, they would take him. He noted the relevance, reality, and truth of his thoughts and the affect of detaching from them. This simple process of sitting, observing and paying attention led to an awaking and eventually to enlightenment. It led to the Dharma; the teaching: the practice of meditation; mindfulness.

A lazy man’s initiative indeed! Try it. Try it for 5 minutes. Try just observing your breath for 5 minutes without your mind wondering or manipulating your breathing. Just observe.

I have in the above paragraph perhaps simplified the Buddha’s process, for which, I ask forgiveness, and hope to rectify and expand on in future postings. But for now I use the simplification to tell you where I am.

I am a dabbler by nature. For years I have dabbled in this Dharma; this practice. Since, in the late 70s, when reading, Zen in the Art of Archery, and Motorcycle Maintenance and other pop culture books on Buddhism, I have wanted to pursue a better and deeper understanding of the principles that the Buddha taught. I don’t know if there was an instant in the past few years when I decided I no longer wanted to be part of the mindlessness, meanness and arrogance that was so rapidly and widely becoming a mainstream virtue, but I do know that I did not see a future for me as a participant. I had to find a different path. I knew I needed a deeper understanding of the underlying principles of what I saw as madness at every level of society and what one was to do, if not to help alleviate it, then to, at least, not be a contributor. My search began.

I began my practice about a year and a half ago. My introduction, as has been a modus operandi for much of my life, was to pick up a book. I was fortunate to find the right books (See Library) by experienced mindfulness, meditation, and Dharma teachers and practitioners. These books referenced other books, which referenced other books and soon I had a nightstand full of experience. There are good local live teachers and practitioners who have been available to me but I needed desperately to get a broad view of experience. One of the many important aspects of the teaching of Buddha is that you need to question and make the Dharma applicable to your life, needs and experience. It has to be real and workable for you or it’s no good.  And this, in addition to the practical work required is where I am today.

Don’t think for a minute that teachers, either live or within dust covers, are going to make the changes in your life.  They are there to only point the path, to share their experiences and serve as your temporary spiritual community.  There is no substitute for the practice of formal meditation (sitting on your butt), the application of that mediation, mindfully into your life, moment by moment, and the faithful return to the study and application of the dharma. I have found it to be very difficult but rewarding work. Slowly, snail’s pace slowly, I feel, to use the vocabulary of the great one, an awakening. To be awake and to reach some level, be it ever so humble, of enlightenment is my aspiration. I don’t know how far I will get along this path but I do know you get there the same way you get to Carnegie Hall.